Get More Hip Replacement than Hip


Prepare a bike to meet the faces that you’d meet. Record yourself doing Joe Pesci saying ‘yellow’. Lock the gate, doors and windows. Google ‘homemade Crowe auction items’.


January fist


You’ve got a whole lotta year to straighten the steeple. Imagine it done: doesn’t it look better now? It does, doesn’t it?
Or does it? Substantial effort, that, and you know how they like to lean.



Carry a dialogue with you at all times in case of people. People’ll see you carrying a dialogue like that, at all times, and they’ll think you’ve got tons of strength to be able to carry it. Strength is a bit scary, superannuated, like, so they’ll make some space for you. It’s good to have others make stuff for you that’s useful, like space.

Wait, you said you liked me


You said I was cute and then you said I was great and then you said I was handsome and clever and fun and funny and that you could stay here forever, and then you left and it was still early, so I thought maybe you’d be back soon, so I waited, and meanwhile people passed by and more people passed by and they were all talking among themselves, not sure what about, and they didn’t like the look of me waiting like that.

So you tell me I’m a Millenial


I don’t go outside that much because I’m a Millenial. We like the sun, but it isn’t that healthy of late.
I read because I’m Generation Y. I read on electronic devices because I read all the time. To manage that, I also download books illegally (my generation received a very old moral compass, which broke soon after).
I take many photos because I’m a Millenial and we come with awesome cameras. I take photos of raspberries on books because I’m a hipster and we can afford that.
I have a lot of time to read, take photos and connect with strangers online because I was born unrealistic, hence unemployable.

Still a little shy


Someone has been here all its life, waiting to teach you something. When you arrive, all knowledgeable, it slithers and hides outside the frame.

You need lots of stuff


They say you should cut down the number of things you own to 51, to be happy (there are websites on how to reach that number).
That’s not true.
What you must do is you must acquire a great number of things, thousands upon thousands, and you need to arrange them all on shelves and set up proper lighting to see them and show them to others. And you should wait for 51 people to tell you: ‘Ah, your collection is wonderful. I wish I had one just like it!’, and then you should give all your stuff away, divide it equally between the 51 individuals (there are apps that’ll help), and when you’re down to zero, ask each of the 51 to give you back an object of their choosing, and then drop me a line to let me know if it worked, the happiness thing.

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